Basking in the Numbness of Spiritual Freedom
September 5, 2013
True, I haven’t written for a while; sometimes life offers you a lot of tangible fruits and sometimes you have to make an effort to search for the seeds, wherever they may be hidden. We cleaned the house today; it is always a good feeling to have a fresh house and “exercising” up and down the stairs gives me a chance to think and contemplate, or even listen, to my mind. There are, at times, torturous thoughts and lots of complaining—giving me the impression that I am fighting against a wall; at other times, it is more peaceful and even loving when I practice my “Love meditation”. The mind-feeling of the day felt more like numbness—numbness when nothing seems to be popping out, nothing is moving; the good thing is that nothing negative is showing up. The last few days have been quiet, a bit uneventful, although some mornings felt like a bit like a whirlpool of emotions was in action, before a clearing in the afternoon; it felt like a pattern, or an assault coming from my mind, which didn’t repeat itself today. Numbness—somewhat foggy, is another way to put it. I know there are developments in the working, as always, but today wasn’t the day to approach them in the slightest.
This is what spiritual journeying is about, with its meanders, curves, deepening, silences, plateaus and surprises around the bend. It is interesting that Master Djwhal has asked us, in his recent teaching, to think back about the last ten years of our lives. What has happened, where was I ten years ago? This is not an easy exercise.
And yet three people from the religious organization I used to belong reappeared, almost out of the blue. We saw over the weekend a couple we hadn’t seen for 4 years. Interestingly, they also left the religious organization, and we didn’t know it. Perhaps they saw the light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that each of our tunnels is different. There was still some animosity (toward the organization) in one of them and it seems she wasn’t completely over the emotional turn. It is good to ‘plainly’ leave things behind and move on, without rancor. Life is a journey, and we all learn. Out of the blue, as well, a leader from that same organization called me in order to request help for one member whose son had left for France. I was happy to help and it gave me a chance to get reacquainted with that person with whom I use to “work.” We have some good vibes going, spent a lot of time together visiting members, and it was pleasant to see him again on Tuesday. All of this takes me back a long time, and it seems that, 10 years ago, a seed was perhaps planted which germinated and gave fruit to my need (and assertion) for spiritual freedom! A freedom that I claimed over Thanksgiving in 2007 Day—what better day of the year there is? So yes, thinking back about those last ten years gives me a chance to reflect as well on my solo journey—and what an interesting journey it has been with, indeed, some numbness!
At the same time ten years ago, I reached out to a woman in Worcester, MA—her name is Virginia Swain—who was offering a program in Reconciliation Leadership. I studied with her for about two years and this period really marked the beginning of an ‘accentuated spiritual search.’ Now that I can look back, what I discovered about myself then—and the inklings that I perceived about my true self—gave me the impetus to get going, and to search some more in different corners of Life. I am especially grateful for two residential seminars I attended in Tiverton, RI, which led me to the core of who I am. The first one, “Work, Peace, Purpose and Place,” was really a gentle detonator for searching a ‘something else’, an activity, or a passion that would match and appease (or put at ease, really) the soul being that I am. It started a process, pulled a thread in me that I am still following today. So my gratitude goes to Virginia and the two folks that led those two seminars. Interestingly, she will be celebrating the 20th anniversary of the center she founded with her husband (Center for Global Community and World Law) and invited me to join her at the United Nations this month. It will be a pleasure to see her again.
Synchronicities sometimes happen anew, offering opportunities to meet people who may take us into a new direction; in my present case, these “people coming back into my life” took me back to a point of departure when Life tickled me with a sweet message. I am glad that I was able to sense and follow it along the way.