The Sonnets to Orpheus, II, 29 — Rainer Maria Rilke (in English and French)

Posted on October 24, 2013 by new desert

The Sonnets to Orpheus, II, 29 — Rainer Maria Rilke

Silent friend of many distances, feel
how your breath enlarges all of space.
Let your presence ring out like a bell
into the night. What feeds upon your face

grows mighty from the nourishment thus offered.
Move through transformation, out and in.
What is the deepest loss that you have suffered?
If drinking is bitter, change yourself to wine.

In this immeasurable darkness, be the power
that rounds your sense in their magic ring,
the sense of their mysterious encounter.

And if the earthly no longer knows your name,
whisper to the silent earth: I’m flowing.
To the flashing water say: I am.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

(Ahead of All Parting, ed. and translated by Steven Mitchell)

Sonnet XXIX

Ami silencieux des nombreux lointains, ressens,
combien ton souffle a élargi l’espace.
Dans la charpente des sombres carillons
accepte de sonner. Car, ce qui vit de toi,

deviendra une force par cette nourriture.
Dans cette transformation, sors et puis entre,
Quelle est ta plus douloureuse expérience ?
Si le boire est pour toi amer, deviens vin.

Sois en cette nuit de démesure
force magique à la croisée de tes sens,
de leur étrange rencontre la signification.

Et si le terrestre t’a oublié,
dis à la terre calme: je coule.
à l’eau rapide dis: je suis.

http://www.espritsnomades.com/sitelitterature/rilke/rilkerainermaria.html

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I love the dark hours – Rainer Maria Rilke

Posted on October 16, 2013 by new desert

This evening, as I opened my message box and read this poem, it felt like Grace had penetrated somewhere in me. This is such a profound message after my post about The Dark Night of My soul.

 

I love the dark hours – Rainer Maria Rilke

I love the dark hours of my being.
My mind deepens into them.
There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.

Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that’s wide and timeless.

So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a gravesite
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots
embrace:

a dream once lost
among sorrows and songs.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

(Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy)

darkness before light

Pour ce qui est de la traduction en français, que je n’ai point trouvée, l’avertissement ci-dessous me rendra des plus prudents; et je m’y emploierai à trois fois plutôt qu’une !

« Rilke tenait pour une trahison de sa poésie toute traduction qui ne restituerait pas en même temps que sa pensée, le mouvement intérieur, le rythme et la musique de l’original. Se contenter d’un mot à mot, si minutieux fût-il, c’était à ses yeux dépouiller l’œuvre d’une partie essentielle d’elle-même en la ramenant au plan secondaire de l’analyse, c’était substituer à un corps vivant une figure de cire, un cadavre glacé. »

http://www.espritsnomades.com/sitelitterature/rilke/rilkerainermaria.html

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The Dark Night of My Soul

Posted on October 11, 2013 by new desert

The Dark Night of My Soul

La Nuit où Mon Âme a Touché le Fond

October 10

 

This will be my first post in both English and French, so as to reach a broader audience. The French version follows the English one. Thanks for reading, folks!

A few weeks back, I discovered on Facebook a piece of Eckhart Tolle (author of A New Earth) on The Dark Night of the Soul (please see his statement below, at the bottom of my post). I wasn’t familiar with the concept, but was with the experience. From that virtual discovery, things went very fast and far, geographically-speaking as I experienced an amazing synchronicity with a new friend in Sri Lanka (South Asia). I mean amazing because, through our exchange, and my telling him about my experience of that fateful “dark night,” I came to mention a similar, mundane event that took place 8 years apart or so: playing table tennis at a YMCA; first in Colombo, Sri Lanka, in September1982, and then again in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, in November 1990. I was truly floored by this happenstance, so to speak, that had nothing to do with random events—even more interesting is that both events resurfaced in a single point of time so long after their first occurrence.

Some day in November 1990 is when I experienced MY dark night of the soul. I was then studying in graduate school and had only set foot in Wisconsin in January of that year. The wonderful feelings of newness and excitement (a phase generally called “honeymoon”) had gone by and I was left with the routine of going to school—again, after seven years of professional experience. Interestingly, what felt most difficult to overcome then was an absence of meaning—of feeling productive, that is. I had been employed for seven years, three of them spent in French-speaking Africa, and I had grown tremendously through heart to heart exchanges, especially in the Congo. Wisconsin autumn felt cold and a bit dull in comparison and I harbored the feeling of not contributing anything to society. In addition, graduation wasn’t part of the picture for another two years, and it seemed like eons away.

I don’t remember the exact day when IT happened, although I remember the setting, the name of the classroom, and the instructor. We had a test that morning in a class related to knowledge of industrial psychology and I did very poorly. I felt awful after flunking the test and the feeling remained with me throughout the afternoon. At night, I went to the local YMCA to play table tennis with a few friends. This is when, suddenly, the “floor of my life” collapsed. It felt as if what had been supporting me—my desire to study and complete my studies, to become a bilingual professional—was no longer there; I had nothing to lean on, but darkness, emptiness and meaninglessness; in one word, nothingness. Either the tunnel had no end in sight, or I was looking toward the wrong end of it. My life had gotten devoid of meaning, very much like the way Eckhart Tolle describes it.

As soon as I got home (I was renting a room at an old lady’s house; Dorothy was her name), I called the International Students Advisor. I know it was so serious that I had to seek out help as soon as possible. She and many others—gratitude flows, guys—helped me through this difficult time which lasted for about six to eight months, before I finally resurfaced as a fully functioning human being. Interestingly, I would not say that I found new meaning out of this “dark experience”—I was still intent on finishing my studies and I did, adding another degree in the course of the next three years. Yet, I can’t tell that I found a new direction in life, or that my spiritual life had taken off in a different turn.

Rather, from what I clearly remember, I felt in the ensuing few months that a crevasse had opened up in my life, so that the imprisoned emotions of the young child—especially anger and sadness—could start their way up and out. It took me a long time to take care of that ‘painful crevasse.’ Fifteen years of assiduous Buddhist practice and developmental work helped as I painstakingly transformed the pain and residues from my childhood into a fertile terrain for what would come next, one day, at some point. As in many situations, there is (and there was then, for me) no other way for us than honoring and doing the (inner) work we have to do. As we often say, and the saying goes back to the idea of plowing the soil for future use, “we cannot put the cart before the horse.” [In French, the expression becomes “we cannot put the plow before the oxen,” which dates back to sixteenth century farmers’ practices.]

 

cart_before_the_horse1-1024x711

 

Eckhart Tolle on the ‘Dark Night of the Soul’

Q: Have you ever experienced the dark night of the soul? Your teachings have been so helpful through this difficult period. Can you address this subject?

A: The “dark night of the soul” is a term that goes back a long time. Yes, I have also experienced it. It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything. Sometimes it’s triggered by some external event, some disaster perhaps, on an external level. The death of someone close to you could trigger it, especially premature death, for example if your child dies. Or you had built up your life, and given it meaning – and the meaning that you had given your life, your activities, your achievements, where you are going, what is considered important, and the meaning that you had given your life for some reason collapses.

It can happen if something happens that you can’t explain away anymore, some disaster which seems to invalidate the meaning that your life had before. Really what has collapsed then is the whole conceptual framework for your life, the meaning that your mind had given it. So that results in a dark place. But people have gone into that, and then there is the possibility that you emerge out of that into a transformed state of consciousness. Life has meaning again, but it’s no longer a conceptual meaning that you can necessarily explain. Quite often it’s from there that people awaken out of their conceptual sense of reality, which has collapsed.

They awaken into something deeper, which is no longer based on concepts in your mind. A deeper sense of purpose or connectedness with a greater life that is not dependent on explanations or anything conceptual any longer. It’s a kind of re-birth. The dark night of the soul is a kind of death that you die. What dies is the egoic sense of self. Of course, death is always painful, but nothing real has actually died there – only an illusory identity. Now it is probably the case that some people who’ve gone through this transformation realized that they had to go through that, in order to bring about a spiritual awakening. Often it is part of the awakening process, the death of the old self and the birth of the true self.
The first lesson in A Course in Miracles says “Nothing I see in this room means anything”, and you’re supposed to look around the room at whatever you happen to be looking at, and you say “this doesn’t mean anything”, “that doesn’t mean anything”. What is the purpose of a lesson like that? It’s a little bit like re-creating what can happen during the dark night of the soul. It’s the collapse of a mind-made meaning, conceptual meaning, of life… believing that you understand “what it’s all about”. With A Course in Miracles, it’s a voluntary relinquishment of the human mind-made meaning that is projected, and you go voluntary into saying “I don’t know what this means”, “this doesn’t mean anything”. You wipe the board clean. In the dark night of the soul it collapses.

You are meant to arrive at a place of conceptual meaninglessness. Or one could say a state of ignorance – where things lose the meaning that you had given them, which was all conditioned and cultural and so on. Then you can look upon the world without imposing a mind-made framework of meaning. It looks of course as if you no longer understand anything. That’s why it’s so scary when it happens to you, instead of you actually consciously embracing it. It can bring about the dark night of the soul – to go around the Universe without any longer interpreting it compulsively, as an innocent presence. You look upon events, people, and so on with a deep sense of aliveness. Your sense the aliveness through your own sense of aliveness but you are not trying to fit your experience into a conceptual framework anymore.

 

taking care of me

 

Il s’agit de mon premier article à la fois en anglais et en français. Merci de votre visite. Ceci dit, ce que vous allez lire ci-dessous n’est pas une traduction mot à mot de ce que j’ai pu écrire ci-dessus, mais plutôt une histoire écrite dans ma langue maternelle, avec un vocabulaire quelque peu novateur quand je ne trouve pas les mots exacts pour traduire.

Il y a quelques semaines, j’ai découvert sur Facebook l’extrait d’une interview d’Eckart Tolle (auteur de A New Earth / Nouvelle Terre – l’avènement de la conscience humaine) parlant de The Dark Night of the Soul (la nuit où l’âme a touché le fond). [Le texte de son entretien suit cet article.] Je n’étais pas familier avec ce concept, mais avais cependant vécu cette expérience. A partir de cette découverte virtuelle, les choses sont allées très vite et très loin, géographiquement parlant, dans la mesure où j’ai vécu une synchronicité incroyable avec un nouvel ami basé à Sri Lanka. Je dis incroyable car, à travers notre échange, et à travers mon partage d’expérience de cette « nuit noire », je fus amené à mentionner un événement quelque peu banal qui prit place deux fois à huit ans d’intervalle : un match de tennis de table, tout d’abord à la YMCA de Colombo, à Sri Lanka, en septembre 1982, et ensuite un autre match à la YMCA d’Oshkosh, dans le Wisconsin, en novembre 1990. Je fus réellement surpris (le mot est bien faible) par cette coïncidence qui n’en était pas une ; d’autant plus que ces deux évènements refaisaient surface dans ma vie si longtemps après leur première apparition.

Mon expérience de « nuit noire » s’et déroulée un jour de novembre 1990. Je faisais alors des études supérieures dans le Wisconsin, territoire sur lequel j’avais pénétré pour la première fois en janvier de cette année-là. Tout le ressenti en termes de nouveauté et d’enthousiasme (une phase que l’on appelle généralement « lune de miel ») avait  disparu et il ne me restait plus que la routine des cours—une fois de plus— après avoir travaillé pendant sept ans. Ce qui m’a été le plus difficile à surmonter à l’époque fut un sentiment d’absence de sens dans ma vie et le fait de me retrouver soudainement non-productif. J’avais donc travaillé pendant sept ans, dont trois passés en Afrique, avec notamment une expérience unique et des échanges extrêmement chaleureux et profonds avec des stagiaires au Congo Brazza. L’automne du Wisconsin me donnait l’impression d’être quelque peu froid et insipide. De plus, j’étais loin de la fin de mes études et les deux ans qu’il me restait à accomplir faisait figure d’éternité.

Je ne me rappelle pas de la date précise où cette « nuit noire » a eu lieu, mais je me rappelle tout à fait de la salle de classe, des étudiants et du prof. Nous avions ce matin-là un examen concernant des notions de psychologie du travail. Je me suis complètement gaufré, incapable de répondre à la plupart des questions, et me suis senti mal à l’aise dès la fin de l’examen ; un sentiment qui m’a accompagné pendant la majeure partie de l’après-midi. Je suis allé jouer au tennis de table le soir à la YMCA avec des amis. C’est là que, tout à coup, le « sol de ma vie » s’est effondré. J’ai eu l’impression que tout ce qui me soutenait jusqu’alors n’existait plus ; mon désir de finir mes études et de devenir un professionnel bilingue notamment. Je n’avais plus rien de solide sur lequel je pouvais m’appuyer ; rien si ce n’est l’obscurité, le vide et l’absence de sens ; en un mot, le néant. Soit la sortie du tunnel n’existait pas, soit je regardais dans la mauvaise direction. Ma vie avait perdu tout son sens, comme le décrit si bien Eckhart Tolle vers la fin du premier paragraphe.

Lors de mon retour à la maison (je louais alors une chambre chez une dame agée qui répondait au nom de Dorothy), j’ai aussitôt téléphoné à la personne qui s’occupait des étudiants étrangers. Je réalisais que quelque chose de sérieux venait de se passer et qu’il me fallait trouver de l’aide dans les plus brefs délais. Cette personne, ainsi que beaucoup d’autres—ma gratitude éternelle vous est acquise, chers ami(e)s—m’ont soutenu durant cette période difficile qui a duré entre six et huit mois, avant que je ne refasse surface en tant que personne qui puisse fonctionner normalement. Je ne peux pas dire que j’ai trouvé un nouveau sens grâce à cette expérience inattendue de « nuit noire. »  J’avais l’intention de finir mes études, ce que j’ai fait, y ajoutant un diplôme supplémentaire au cours des trois années qui suivirent. Mais je n’ai pas déniché de nouvelle direction pour ma vie et je ne peux pas dire que ma vie spirituelle a soudainement prit un nouvel essor.

Ce dont je me souviens, c’est que durant les mois qui suivirent, j’ai eu l’impression qu’une crevasse s’était ouverte au sein de ma vie, et que cette ouverture rendait possible la libération d’émotions prisonnières depuis mon enfance ; notamment la colère et la tristesse. Celles-ci pouvaient enfin commencer leur périple vers la guérison. Il m’a fallu longtemps pour soigner cette « douloureuse crevasse. » Quinze ans de pratique bouddhiste assidue et autres travaux de développement de soi m’ont été nécessaires pour transformer la douleur et les résidus de mon enfance en un sol fertile, prêt à accueillir ce qui ne manquera pas d’arriver un jour prochain. Comme dans beaucoup de situations, il n’y a pas d’autre issue possible (et il n’en y avait pas d’autre à l’époque pour moi) que d’honorer et de réaliser le travail (intérieur) que chacun de nous se doit d’accomplir. Comme le dit si bien l’expression, on ne peut pas « mettre la charrue devant les bœufs ; » une expression qui rejoint cette idée de labourer pour préparer la terre pour un jour prochain.

 

Eckhart Tolle sur la ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ (La Nuit où l’Âme a Touché le Fond)


Question: Avez-vous déjà fait l’expérience de la nuit où l’âme a touché le fond? Vos enseignements ont été si utiles durant cette période difficile. Pouvez-vous nous en dire quelques mots ?

Réponse : La « nuit noire » est un terme qui ne date pas d’aujourd’hui. J’en ai fait moi-même l’expérience. Il s’agit d’un terme que l’on utilise pour décrire ce que l’on pourrait appeler l’effondrement du sens que l’on perçoit dans notre vie…l’apparition dans notre vie d’une profonde absence de sens. L’état que nous ressentons intérieurement est très proche de ce que l’on appelle par convention une dépression. Plus rien n’a de sens, nous n’avons plus de but. Cette situation est parfois déclenchée par un évènement extérieur, une catastrophe notamment. Le décès d’une personne qui nous est chère peut en être la cause, notamment s’il s’agit d’une mort prématurée, celle de l’un de nos enfants, par exemple. Ou alors nous avons construit votre vie et nous lui avons donné du sens ; et le sens que nous pensions posséder, nos activités, nos réalisations, notre direction dans la vie, ce que nous considérions comme important pour nous, tout cela s’effondre pour une raison quelconque.

Cela peut arriver par l’intermédiaire de quelque chose d’inexplicable, une catastrophe qui pourrait anéantir le sens que nous percevions dans votre vie. Ce qui s’est effondré est en fait la façon dont nous avions conçu notre vie, le sens conceptuel que nous lui avions donné. Une « coloration noire » peut en résulter. Mais certaines personnes en ont fait l’expérience et il se peut très bien que nous en ressortions avec un état de conscience différent. La vie a alors de nouveau du sens mais ce n’est plus un sens que nous pouvons expliquer conceptuellement ou intellectuellement. Très souvent, c’est à partir de ce stade que les gens se rendent compte de la façon dont ils avaient bâti ou conçu le sens de leur vie, alors qu’il vient de s’effondrer.

Ils se rendent compte qu’il y a quelque chose de plus profond, quelque chose qui n’a plus rien à voir avec les concepts que notre esprit peut engendrer. Un sens plus profond, ou un relationnel plus fort avec la vie en résulte qui n’est plus dépendant d’explications conceptuelles. C’est un peu comme une renaissance. La « nuit noire » est une sorte de mort, de disparition, dont nous faisons l’expérience. Ce qui disparait en fait, c’est le sens que nous avons de notre soi propre. De toute évidence, la mort est un phénomène douloureux, mais rien de bien réel ne meurt dans cette expérience—uniquement une identité illusoire que nous avions fabriquée. Il est possible que certaines personnes qui ont fait l’expérience de cette transformation réalisent qu’elles en avaient besoin afin de provoquer un éveil spirituel. Très souvent, cette expérience fait partie intégrante de l’éveil, la disparition du soi fabriqué donnant naissance à un soi authentique.

La première leçon dans Un Cours en Miracles nous apprend, « Rien de ce que je vois dans cette pièce n’a de sens, » et vous êtes supposé regarder autour de la pièce et vous dire « cela n’a aucun sens, » « cela n’a aucun sens. » Quel est le but d’une telle leçon ? Il s’agit d’une certaine manière de recréer ce qui peut arriver durant la « nuit noire. » C’est l’effondrement d’une notion de sens fabriquée par notre esprit, un sens que nous avons conçu, de la vie…tout en pensant que nous comprenons « ce dont il s’agit. » Dans Un Cours en Miracles, c’est un abandon volontaire de cette notion de sens que nous fabriquons qui est projeté, et vous dites joyeusement « Je ne sais pas ce que cela signifie, » « cela n’a aucun sens. » Vous remettez les compteurs à zéro. Au cours de la « nuit noire » cette notion de sens s’effondre.

Il est inévitable que vous arriviez à un point d’absence de sens sur le plan conceptuel. On pourrait encore parler à ce niveau d’un état d’ignorance—où tout ce que vous appréhendiez perd le sens que vous lui aviez donné, qui est avant tout conditionné ou acquis à travers notre culture de référence. On peut alors envisager le monde sans lui imposer un cadre conceptuel de sens que notre esprit aurait conçu. Nous aurions alors l’impression de ne plus rien comprendre. C’est la raison pour laquelle cet épisode de « nuit noire » peut paraitre si effrayant alors qu’il pourrait paraitre tout autre si nous avions la volonté de l’accepter ouvertement. Cela peut provoquer la « nuit noire »–voyager tout autour de l’Univers sans vouloir l’interpréter de façon obsessionnelle, comme une présence innocente. Nous considérerions alors les évènements, les gens, et ainsi de suite, avec un sens profond de l’existence. Nous ressentirions cette existence à travers notre propre sens de l’existence mais nous n’essayerions plus de faire rentrer notre expérience dans un cadre conceptuel.

 

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A Bhagavad-Gita Double Encounter

Posted on September 17, 2013 by new desert

A Bhagavad-Gita Double Encounter

 

Last week, I traveled to North Carolina for work. Right before I left the house Monday morning, I decided to pick a book that I read two years prior, full of notes and areas highlighted in yellow and orange. I had done my homework exploring and dissecting The Matter of Mind, from Master Djwhal Khul through Kathlyn Kingdon, and didn’t expect it would catch up with me at this time. The chapter that caught my attention, after skimming through the book, is the one entitled From Emotional Reactivity to Enlightenment. It caught my eye precisely because emotional reactivity (how do I deal with the emotions that emerge within me) is what I had been experiencing for a fairly long time. The chapter tells the story of a famous passage from the Bhagavad-Gita (wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhagavad_Gita) where Lord Krishna is in conversation with Arjuna over his impending duty to go to war against his relatives. Arjuna has to face the immensity of the task—his call to duty—and wobbles between desperation, anger, and finally blame—a very generous spectrum of emotions.

 

As I flew from Newark to Charlotte, I suddenly got the idea to check my email—what else can we do in the friendly skies? As I opened the first message in my mailbox, an unpleasant feeling of upset and anger started to engulf me. A co-worker of mine, in a different land, with whom I am designing a members’ survey, was commenting on my last draft and giving me instructions on how to design a multiple choice survey; my initial intention being to design an open-ended questions instrument where client members could freely roam and reflect based on their needs and preferences.

 

A week after the occurrence, I can still remember the dangerous path my mind took me through, meandering between retaliation strategies, an email to the board of the organization, not to mention several dark scenarios where I would leave the volunteer group that I joined three months ago. It felt like a pit. As good fortune would have it, the response I prepared on the spot, in the heat of my anger, could not navigate the airwaves because the plane had gone below 10,000 feet and the connection was interrupted. I saved a draft of my response, and later erased it, realizing that I experienced EXACTLY what the chapter of The Matter of Mind refers to; going through a whirlwind of emotions, and for a reason!

 

What the From Emotional Reactivity to Enlightenment chapter describes is how many of us tend to respond to emotions: either by letting them out at the people who triggered them (whatever their intention was), or by suppressing them. Neither way is going to bring us very far and the author’s advice is to rather stay with the emotion, as calmly as possible, and fully experience it. It is difficult for many of us to do just that but when I tried, a couple days ago, the metaphor that entered my consciousness is that of a waterfall. Because of the amount of water gushing forth, and the beauty of the falls, we often limit our view to the falls themselves, when there is usually a clear, calm and beautiful pool of water right behind them. The image is also appropriate to the extent that the falls are often as ‘noisy’ as our emotions.

 

Here is an excerpt which addresses the direct experience and our need to stay in it:

 

“In the Gnostic (i.e., knowing) experience, perceiver and perception are merged. Direct experience engages physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies—totally. For all its glory, direct experience can be threatening to the ego mind, which is continually looking for itself in the “having” of the experience. Direct experience lacks the observational distance needed for ego mind to find itself. To fall into a direct experience, the mind must release its hold on conventional reality—so laden with the personal reference points ego mind craves. If you consider the mystics of the great spiritual traditions, they all have the ability to lose themselves in the divine. To do so, of course, requires the dissolution of those personal reference points, for they obscure the very experience the divine one is seeking.”

 

“As with the child in the snow, what induces direct experience is full openness in/to the moment and a completely absorbed attention. To allow whatever arises to simply be, without the judgment or other manipulations of ego mind, is to find the vicinity of direct experience. In this open and attentive state, one can allow even emotional pain—grief, fear, hatred, greed, selfishness, envy and so on—to dissolve into the spacious radiance of direct experience. When the mind’s eye is fixed on the full spectrum of enlightenment, it is very difficult to find the small bandwidth of, say, anger. The effulgent glow dissolves the very self that steps into it.”

 

Page 118

 

I knew something—a new understanding, another veil getting lifted—was up for grab last week. The knocking at the spiritual door got “happier and louder” when, back home, I received an email from a list on LinkedIn mentioning a post from Ken Stone. Ken Stone is a Colorado-based person who, beautifully, calls himself “The Soul Archeologist.” We connected a few months back and I happily accepted his invitation. Despite his lack of response to my introductory email, I remained intrigued and curious about his spiritual guidance and counseling.

 

In his message to the LinkedIn list, he invited us to visit his blog where he posted two stories. The first one is about the Dalai Lama who, being true to himself, honestly mentions his dislike of a cake that has been baked especially for him; the second story is Arjuna’s story…

 

Writing these words brought another metaphor to my spiritual shore. As I heard back yesterday from a Tarot de Marseille card reader with whom I worked this year, she mentioned, in response to my account of our last trip to France, my success with the “great problem in my life,” i.e., my mother. This is a long, beautiful story that I will keep for another day. Suffice it to say that thinking back about my mother, and what went on in our home forty years ago, made me think about the “grooves” she imprinted in us—my father, my brother and I. I can only speak for myself but the pain that I felt coming out of these grooves for a number of years is now gone, at least on a conscious level. The weeping pain and anger have dissolved, just as the excerpt above mentions, not so much in a single, direct experience, but through years of assiduous spiritual practice and developmental work. Similar to the waterfall metaphor, the pain has transformed into a clear pool of water where I can now see and welcome my mother’s pain when she was, among other instances, abused and beaten up by her own mother during WWII. Abused to the point that she still needs nowadays, thirty-one years after my grandmother’s passing, to distance herself from the woman that gave her birth by calling her “the grandmother.”

 

My deepest desire at this point is that we all become aware of the grooves (or wounds, if you wish) we carry within ourselves, wherever they originated from and that we make progress on the path to self-realization, on the path to finding our true nature. There is beauty, there is purity on the other side of our inner waterfall and, thinking back about Arjuna, it is our spiritual duty to go past the falling water and reach out for the pool.

 

So Mote It Be!

 

Zhangjajie China

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Basking in the Numbness of Spiritual Freedom

Posted on September 7, 2013 by new desert

Basking in the Numbness of Spiritual Freedom

September 5, 2013

 

 

True, I haven’t written for a while; sometimes life offers you a lot of tangible fruits and sometimes you have to make an effort to search for the seeds, wherever they may be hidden. We cleaned the house today; it is always a good feeling to have a fresh house and “exercising” up and down the stairs gives me a chance to think and contemplate, or even listen, to my mind. There are, at times, torturous thoughts and lots of complaining—giving me the impression that I am fighting against a wall; at other times, it is more peaceful and even loving when I practice my “Love meditation”. The mind-feeling of the day felt more like numbness—numbness when nothing seems to be popping out, nothing is moving; the good thing is that nothing negative is showing up. The last few days have been quiet, a bit uneventful, although some mornings felt like a bit like a whirlpool of emotions was in action, before a clearing in the afternoon; it felt like a pattern, or an assault coming from my mind, which didn’t repeat itself today. Numbness—somewhat foggy, is another way to put it. I know there are developments in the working, as always, but today wasn’t the day to approach them in the slightest.

 

This is what spiritual journeying is about, with its meanders, curves, deepening, silences, plateaus and surprises around the bend. It is interesting that Master Djwhal has asked us, in his recent teaching, to think back about the last ten years of our lives. What has happened, where was I ten years ago? This is not an easy exercise.

 

And yet three people from the religious organization I used to belong reappeared, almost out of the blue. We saw over the weekend a couple we hadn’t seen for 4 years. Interestingly, they also left the religious organization, and we didn’t know it. Perhaps they saw the light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that each of our tunnels is different. There was still some animosity (toward the organization) in one of them and it seems she wasn’t completely over the emotional turn. It is good to ‘plainly’ leave things behind and move on, without rancor. Life is a journey, and we all learn. Out of the blue, as well, a leader from that same organization called me in order to request help for one member whose son had left for France. I was happy to help and it gave me a chance to get reacquainted with that person with whom I use to “work.” We have some good vibes going, spent a lot of time together visiting members, and it was pleasant to see him again on Tuesday. All of this takes me back a long time, and it seems that, 10 years ago, a seed was perhaps planted which germinated and gave fruit to my need (and assertion) for spiritual freedom! A freedom that I claimed over Thanksgiving in 2007 Day—what better day of the year there is? So yes, thinking back about those last ten years gives me a chance to reflect as well on my solo journey—and what an interesting journey it has been with, indeed, some numbness!

 

At the same time ten years ago, I reached out to a woman in Worcester, MA—her name is Virginia Swain—who was offering a program in Reconciliation Leadership. I studied with her for about two years and this period really marked the beginning of an ‘accentuated spiritual search.’ Now that I can look back, what I discovered about myself then—and the inklings that I perceived about my true self—gave me the impetus to get going, and to search some more in different corners of Life. I am especially grateful for two residential seminars I attended in Tiverton, RI, which led me to the core of who I am. The first one, “Work, Peace, Purpose and Place,” was really a gentle detonator for searching a ‘something else’, an activity, or a passion that would match and appease (or put at ease, really) the soul being that I am. It started a process, pulled a thread in me that I am still following today. So my gratitude goes to Virginia and the two folks that led those two seminars. Interestingly, she will be celebrating the 20th anniversary of the center she founded with her husband (Center for Global Community and World Law) and invited me to join her at the United Nations this month. It will be a pleasure to see her again.

 gratitude

Synchronicities sometimes happen anew, offering opportunities to meet people who may take us into a new direction; in my present case, these “people coming back into my life” took me back to a point of departure when Life tickled me with a sweet message. I am glad that I was able to sense and follow it along the way.

 

Happy synchronicities!

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The Power of Forgiveness and Love

Posted on August 18, 2013 by new desert

I read the message below yesterday morning as we were about to embark onto our journey to the Strasburg Railway Company, near Lancaster, PA—a 2-hour drive from home. It looks as if this message from Master Jesus has accompanied me all day, especially the passages related to judgment and forgiveness (6th and 7th paragraphs).

 

Later that afternoon, as we sat in our coach car, ready to enjoy our 20 minute ride to Paradise, PA, I noticed three young women sitting across from us, two of them clearly overweight. I looked at them from time to time and decided to send them loving thoughts, instead of my usual judgmental energy. I kept the Love flowing throughout the journey from and back to Strasburg.

 

It is interesting to me how weight insecurity can ‘pursue’ a person for so long. Forty years ago, I was teased and at times humiliated in school for the weight and ‘cheeky cheeks’ that I carried; certainly more than I wanted to with, at times, no place to hide. I shed off that extra weight as I approached my twenties, and yet remained insecure to the point I had to host negative thoughts toward obese people—a possible self-defense mechanism. It feels nowadays that a karmic burden is being lifted off my shoulders as I am finally able to transform my negativity into the primal energy of Love. Master Jesus’s message may very well be the “straw that finally broke the camel’s back of my insecurity.”

 

Our day didn’t end in Strasburg and I had a wonderful adventure back home. Our son was playing in his bedroom and threw one of his toys in my face. Despite the challenge of trying to reason a three-year old, I made sure that he understood it was not an appropriate behavior. To my surprise, he immediately apologized and offered me a hug. I happily hugged him and thought to myself, “There is no way I can bear a grudge now!”

 

It is only a few hours later that I realized that he wasn’t responding to my words, but rather to the loving energy that I had harbored during the day.

 

new desert

 

What you may experience in yourselves or others as less than perfect is illusory

August 16, 2013 by John Smallman

Humans have an interesting but most unfortunate and hurtful habit of attaching themselves rather inflexibly to their beliefs – the beliefs with which they identify and which they use to define themselves, mostly as good and honorable – and then to regulations based on those beliefs, whereupon they set out to impose them on others who have a different and “wrong” set of beliefs.  Each group attempts to disparage and destroy the beliefs of the others, first by means of “reason,” rhetoric and persuasion, and when that fails, as it inevitably does, the decision is frequently made to use force, but always most righteously and sanctimoniously!

You have been doing this for eons, but now, finally, many are aware or are becoming aware that this form of problem resolution just does not work – in fact, it is really not intended to work, just to produce a winner, my side – and that no one has all the right on their side.  You are realizing that you are humans of limited wisdom and intelligence, and for peace to prevail you have to respect all others, communicate openly and honestly together, and then cooperate, not “for the greater good,” but for the good of all.  That is Love in action.

Presently, in the Arab world, this is being demonstrated most brutally, and many who would have previously been unaware, let alone interested in conflicts taking place so far from their own backyards are now seeing that the only way forwards to lasting peace in the world is by honoring one another, not by judging and condemning one another’s beliefs and opinions.

With so much violence erupting across the world as people’s unresolved, denied, and hidden issues burst into the forefront of their consciousness, and as they project them on to others in fear and loathing, it is even more essential for you, the Light-bearers and way-showers, to engage fully in your ongoing spiritual task.  You chose to incarnate to do this, to assist those who were most deeply asleep – the ones you now see behaving so violently – and now is the time to intensify your efforts.  You can do this most effectively by constantly calling to mind your preplanned intention for your current Earth lives which is to be to be the open and free-flowing conduits though which Love from the divine field may be channeled continuously.  Channeled to every area and every person who is finding themselves either terrifyingly embroiled in their own seemingly unacceptable, even evil, personal issues, and also to those onto whom the anger and violence of those unhappy ones is being projected.  It is indeed a task of mammoth proportions, as you knew when you chose to be part of it, but you have absolutely limitless assistance from the limitless resources that your Father so willingly and lovingly provides, and so your success, and therefore humanity’s success is divinely ensured.

The amount of time that takes – and do not forget that time is also illusory – depends on the strength and intensity of your collective intention to be clear and unobstructed conduits through which Love can flow.  That is why becoming constantly and consciously aware of this intent is so important.  You made the intent before you incarnated, and so Love is flowing through you, and it will continue to do so.  However, by also consciously focusing your human attention on this divine task that you have undertaken, you enormously increase its efficacy.  That is why you chose to incarnate as humans at this moment in history instead of just assisting from the spiritual realms.  You saw this task as a wonderful opportunity to physically spread and share the Love from which you were all created, and so it is.

As Light-bearers and way-showers, like the loving guides and teachers of previous eras, you are here on Earth to demonstrate Love in action, and as you do so you demonstrate that It works.  Your history and your own observations have shown you that nothing else does.  It does take courage, which you have in abundance, but it also takes a willingness to learn from your own errors and from those of others. Not by judging, but by observing and then apologizing for your own errors and by forgiving those that others make.  If you are willing to Love then you are willing to learn, and as humans there is much for you to learn, and this you well know. However, admitting it to yourselves can be difficult because of your ingrained commitment to judging.  Remember, judgment invariably starts as self-judgment which, because it is so painful, you almost immediately attempt to project onto someone else.  And that never works.  What you have identified and projected is quickly denied and then buried below your conscious level of awareness.

The way out of this self-made trap is forgiveness!  Acknowledge your error, no matter how grave and unacceptable it may appear to be.  Allow yourselves to understand and accept that you do make errors – errors that you would judge unconscionable, unacceptable, even unforgivable in others – that it is part and parcel of being human, of life in the illusion, and then lovingly and willingly forgive yourselves.  If you retain unacknowledged within the deep and hidden recesses of your minds memories of shameful, “evil,” unforgivable thoughts, words, or deeds that you have committed, they will be coming to the surface and demanding your attention.  Look at them, admit to them, and forgive yourselves.

You are all the beloved children of God.  There are no exceptions to this divine truth. You did not create yourselves, God did, and all that He creates is perfect!  What you may experience in yourselves or others as less than perfect, or even mightily evil, is illusory.  God’s divine creation is Real, Perfect, and rests eternally in the field of divine Love.  Nothing else is real or exists; it is but a momentary dream, or perhaps a horrific nightmare, depending on the life path you chose to follow.

You are enfolded in the field of divine Love which is whispering to you, singing to you, calling to you to wake up and enjoy the wonder of Reality.  Focus on being loving, and on seeing love everywhere—it is everywhere!—and allow yourselves to wake.

Your loving brother, Jesus

http://johnsmallman2.wordpress.com/2013/08/16/what-you-may-experience-in-yourselves-or-others-as-less-than-perfect-is-illusory/

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God Speaks to Each of US

Posted on August 12, 2013 by new desert

As I am about to embark on a brand new fifty-two-year cycle, per the Thirteen Moon calendar, I would like to share a lovely poem from Rainer Maria Rilke, entitled God Speaks to Each of Us.

 

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

This poem gives me an opportunity to reflect on the way through which I apprehend God, and what it means to me. Interestingly, the ‘mundane’ question “Do I believe in God?” doesn’t speak to me; knowing that, in the first place, God may very well be an unfathomable entity or cosmic force.

 

I would rather reflect on my own behavior, my own words, my own thoughts, and see if they increase goodwill in the world, or if they don’t. One of those behaviors this evening, during dinner, certainly didn’t increase goodwill, and I apologized to our son. I rapidly saw why and how it occurred and I will do my best to get to the source of it and rectify its cause.

 

I do not feel the need to share with others my so-called ‘apprehension’ of God, except, of course, this is what I am doing tonight! Many individuals and institutions throughout the ages have justified their words and actions ‘under’ the name of God, but do they, in the first place, know who God is?

 

I like the way Rosicrucians qualify the concept of God. They talk about “the God of my Heart, the God of my Realization.” Come to reflect on this position, it makes spiritual sense, especially in the light of a human heart’s expansion—my heart’s expansion. I believe  that the more I expand my heart, the more I invite other people in, especially without their conscious knowing, the more I work on removing the veils that ‘clog’ my heart, the more I ‘realize’ God. When an old negative belief or attitude about a person suddenly turns positive, I can tell that my heart is expanding; I can tell that I am getting closer to God or what it means.

 

The heart is where the ‘seed of God’ dwells, and it is present in each and every one of us, as Rainer Maria Rilke so beautifully says.

 

To end this little prologue about God, and to close my first fifty-two year cycle, I would like to share a quote about God, which came to me in French in a Martinist publication (author unknown). I must admit that I like the quote!

 

Dieu ne peut pas se contempler sans s’aimer et ne peut pas s’aimer sans s’engendrer lui-même/elle-même.

 

God cannot contemplate Him/Herself without Loving Him/Herself, and cannot love Him/Herself without engendering Him/Herself.

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My Hero’s Journey

Posted on August 3, 2013 by new desert

My Hero’s Journey

August 1, 2013

 

 

“The first function [of mythology in tradition] is awakening in the individual a sense of awe and mystery and gratitude for the ultimate mystery of being.” (Joseph Campbell, Pathways to Bliss, page 104)

 

 

I recently read the final chapter in Joseph Campbell’s Pathways to Bliss, Mythology and Personal Transformation. I bought this book two years ago and, interestingly, was never able to go past page 80 or so. The first chapters of the book felt like a hump I couldn’t go over, and yet Campbell’s themes of mythology and inner transformation kept tickling me right beneath the surface of my being. His book had been sitting on my shelf for a reason. It felt as it were part of my psyche’s circle of friends, observing and witnessing something in me from the outside.

 

Two days ago, after rereading a story from the Introduction of Pathways to Bliss that I copied into my journal on April 8, 2012, I picked up the book again, and here I was, hopping way beyond the first few chapters and devouring the final chapter: The Self as Hero. As I reflected on my life path for the last two years, I realized that I couldn’t possibly follow the chronological order the book when The Self as Hero turned out to be the chapter that encapsulates my own journey, and especially the two-year exploration of my inner, under-world that I undertook with my coach. Together, we unearthed numerous signs and symbols, guiding posts and I even discovered  a teacher that popped out of a cuckoo box; reading The Self as Hero allowed me to make sense of both my own voyage and Campbell’s somewhat theoretical roadmap.

 

Here, I wish to summarize, or possibly paraphrase, the Hero’s Journey while reflecting on my own, as some of it feels quite familiar and some of it doesn’t really click.

 

I found last year on Facebook a diagram explaining the journey of the Hero as described by Campbell (see diagram below). These are the very stages he addresses in the chapter The Self as Hero, knowing a more complete description of the process appears in his book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces (2004).

 

This Hero’s journey is “what James Joyce calls the monomyth: an archetypal story that springs from the collective unconscious. The basic story of the hero’s journey involves giving up where you are, going into the realm of adventure, coming to some kind of symbolically rendered realization, and then returning to the field of normal life” (p. 113).

 

The journey starts with what Campbell calls ‘the call to adventure.’ It means leaving the familiar and entering a new realm, with all its meanders, surprises and bumps. Before all, it means going within, being willing to take a deep dive into the unknown. Back into the real world, I now associate this journey with the spelunker’s exploration of the world down under, the inner world—what my coach called ‘my inner landscape.’

 

 

 

 The hero's journey

 

 

 

 

 

If the call to adventure is heeded, then the “individual is invoked to engage in a dangerous adventure. It’s always a dangerous adventure because you’re moving out of the familiar sphere of your community. I call this crossing the threshold. This is the crossing from the conscious into the unconscious world, but the unconscious world is represented in many, many, many different images, depending on the cultural surroundings of the mythos” (page 114).

 

Further on, Campbell describes this crossing of the threshold ‘as an active door,’ or a portal. In my experience, this is also a dangerous place because this is where you start to isolate yourself from the rest of the day to day world. You can talk to your friends and family about your inner journey, but there is only one person to which it makes total sense, total worth: you!

 

I had a sense of entering a new place, a deeper corner of my psyche when I started talking to the person I call ‘the old man’ (the one who got out of the cuckoo box in the spring of 2012 in one of my meditations). He may serve as a guide or teacher to me; he also feels like an ‘old soul.’ I started connecting with him during my first visit with my coach, on June 24, 2011 (see the Morceaux Choisis tab for the full account). And yet, while I could sense an old man’s existence then, it is not until the end of our first trip to Moscow last year (February 2012) that I had the conscious feeling that I was connecting with ‘someone within’ and that this ‘someone’ was responding, instantly. This is what I call ‘ a knowing phenomenon,’ similar to the knowing or feeling that aircraft pilots may experience when they break the sound barrier, except that, in this case, the barrier is within and the area being ‘progressively exposed and revealed ’ is a source of unfiltered knowledge and wisdom. There I was, and there I go from time to time when I need guidance or when my curiosity leads me back to the old man.

 

“Once you have crossed the threshold, if it really is your adventure—if it is a journey that is appropriate to your deep spiritual need or readiness—helpers will come along the way to provide magical aid. This may be some little wood sprite or wise man or fairy grandmother or animal that comes to you as a companion or as an adviser, letting you know what the dangers are along the way and how to overcome them” (page 116).

 

“After you have received the magical aid, you will have a series of increasingly threatening tests or trials to pass. The deeper you get into this gauntlet, the heavier the resistance. You are coming into areas of the unconscious that have been repressed: the shadow, the anima/animus, and the rest of the unintegrated self; it is that repression system that you have to pass through. These tests, then, symbolize self-realization, a process of initiation into the mysteries of life.”

 

Campbell goes onto describe four kinds of hurdles along the path:

  • ·         “The first is the symbol of the erotic encounter with the perfect beloved” (meeting the goddess).
  • ·         “The second kind of fulfillment along the road of trials is what is called atonement with the father, and this trial is definitely a male rite of passage.”
  • ·         The third station along the path to fulfillment is apotheosis where you realize that you are what you are seeking.”

 

“These are the three main realization symbols: the hieros gamos, the reconciliation with the animus and the anima; the atonement with the father; and apotheosis, coming to realize the full scope of yourself, like Gautama seated under the bo tree becoming the knower of himself as an incarnation of the Universal Buddha consciousness” (page 118).

 

  • ·         “The fourth kind of realization is of a quite different spirit. Instead of a slow progress through the mysteries, there is a violent rush through all obstacles and the seizing of the desired boon: the Promethean theft of fire…In any case, once the treasure has been grabbed, there is no reconciliation with the powers of the underworld—no sacred marriage, father atonement, nor apotheosis—so there is a violent reaction of the whole unconscious system against the act, and the hero must escape” (page 118).

 

Now that I read, a posteriori, about the underworld journey detailed and categorized, so to speak, it is somewhat difficult to relate to every segment of Campbell’s description; tests, excruciating inner pains, trials and tribulations, from out of nowhere (i.e. where you would expect them the least)–certainly. I had difficulty relating to some people—in this case, spiritual folks with whom I used to commune—definitely, and suffering pain and humiliation in the process to the point that the only way became the way out, despite a new commitment made a few months prior. All of that is familiar to me, as well as dealing with ‘older pains’ generated in my childhood, which I thought I had healed for a number of years but which were not completely closed (cicatrisées in French). Of course, there is always someone titillating those old wounds, so that the process is even more arduous. You then keep questioning yourself, your motives and your progress. This is what I would tell in general terms about my journeying process for the first few stages. Having a coach by my side—a coach who is also a sound healer—was of incredible assistance and I only now realize, a few months later, how beneficial Lev’s assistance was to me. Lev was the magical aid Campbell talks about, as well as another dear friend. Keeping a journal, having a dialogue with my spiritual guide on a regular basis, was part of my weekly diet; and of course, sharing all of this, as well as my pains and challenges, with my coach. It felt like I was offering something to the Universe—something that made up an old skin that I was going to shed—and that I was heard in return.

 

Two episodes deserve greater attention and details. Atonement with the father in the first place. I studied and research the concept, and yet it made little sense to me. I understand the concept, in its Christian sense as well as the notion of ‘at-one-ment’, but for whatever reason, none of them sank in. Why was it so? I believe I may learn down the road and reflect back to my ‘passage in atonement.’ To be honest, the most meaningful testimony I found was on a website, where people discussed the notion. Particularly this quote from a woman with whom I later met on Facebook in order to thank her:

 

Atonement in terms of time; time to reconcile all the things we need to trash from last year so that we may walk into 2013 with renewed minds and with Great Expectations. He alone atoned for our sins on the cross so that we may have life and life more abundantly. “It is finished.” We need to walk it out in Faith, talk it out in Faith and be the environment of Faith. For it is impossible to please the Lord without faith! Our belief in His Enduring Faithfulness to us activates our willingness to be available for His Able. We atone by the sacrifice of being available for others who are in need. [This sentence makes a lot of sense to me] So often others are in need of us to step into the gap when others are unable to step up to the plate. What better way to make atonement than offering the gift of Love to those who are unloved? [I would say now ‘What better way to make atonement than offering the gift of Love to those unable to receive Love’]“…”And now abide faith, hope and love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

At the same time I was struggling to understand this concept, I saw it as a mystical sign that I found a ‘left over’ pamphlet in the post office where we check our mail. It was coming from the Franciscan Friars of the Atonement in New York State and it offered a prayer to St. Augustine. I visited their website a couple times, read the prayer three or four times, and then moved on.

The second episode I want to mention is the “seizing of the desired boon,” in Campbell’s words. It brings back the memory of a chart analysis that an esoteric astrologist in Scotland did for me two years ago. One of the myths he used to warn me is that of Hercules seizing the Girdle of Hippolyte, the Queen of the Amazons. At that time, I simply believed it was important for me to be patient and not rush through the process of spiritual walking. Now that I read it again, I am not sure I have gotten the full understanding of this archetype, especially in light of Campbell’s stage of the Return (gift of the goddess) and the balance of masculine and feminine energies. What might this gift be?

In this myth Hercules, as a hero, symbolises the individual on the spiritual path. He was required to obtain Hipplolyte’s girdle which had been given to her by Venus. The girdle symbolised the unity of spirit and matter and the motherhood of the spiritual principle within. Hippolyte was about to give Hercules the girdle but he killed her and seized it. He was aghast at his error. After leaving the bereft land of the Amazons Hercules managed to redeem himself by rescuing Hesione, the daughter of the King of Troy, from the belly of a sea monster by entering through the monster’s throat and hacking his way out though its belly.

The symbolism of this myth essentially relates to self-annihilation as a means to psycho-spiritual metamorphosis.Hippolyte symbolises, not only mother matter, but all of her attendant secrets and the ability to nurture human consciousness enabling its ascent to the peak of human awareness as symbolised by the mountain of initiation. Hercules as a hero, depicting symbolically the individual on the spiritual path, initially views the feminine principle here as a challenge instead of being aware of its potential gifts. He redeems himself by entering the belly of a sea monster, symbolising a journey into his own unconscious, to rescue or reinstate this aspect of his psyche.

I am suggesting this particular myth, Gilles, as I feel that the archetypal principles portrayed here may resonate to your experiences with your mother and your perceptions of the feminine or ‘goddess’ principle on the basis of this relationship.

There is still much to ponder for me in these three paragraphs!

The final phase, the Return, is the last stage described by Campbell, when the individual completes the loop and reenters the conscious realm with his or her boon.

“There comes the crossing of the line again, what I call the return across the threshold. The line through which you passed when you went into the abyss is the line through which you pass when you leave the powers behind…The whole idea is that you’ve got to bring out again that which you went to recover, the unrealized, unutilized potential into the world; that is to say, to you living in the world. You are to bring this treasure of understanding back and integrate it in a rational life. It goes without saying, this is very difficult. Bringing the boon back can be even more difficult than going down into your own depths in the first place” (page 119).

By giving the concrete example of an artist, Campbell then goes on to emphasize the importance of sharing ‘one’s treasure of understanding’ with the world. “The point is that what you have to bring is something that the world lacks [these were the very words of my coach in the beginning of our journey, while sharing with me a piece of homework called “The Seven Principles of Living My Heart’s Purpose”] that is why you went to get it. Well, the daylight world doesn’t even know that it needs this gift you are bringing. There are three possible reactions, then, when you come to the return threshold, carrying your boon for the world (page 120). [I’ll let you discover for yourself what these three possible reactions are.]

In The Self as Hero chapter, there is only one stage that Campbell doesn’t address—for whatever reason. This is what you find at the bottom of the diagram, this thing called “death and rebirth,” associated with the Abyss.

In my journey, the notion of the abyss made me revisit consistently, over a period of time, the first episode of the Lord of the Rings entitled The Fellowship of the Ring. Toward the end of that first episode, Gandalf the Grey and his crew enter a giant above-ground cave. After some progress, they penetrate in what looks like a basilica, with very high ceilings and numerous pillars. They almost meet the end of their rope in that ‘basilica,’ surrounded by an innumerable number of Orcs, the ill-intentioned servants of Saruman the White. What comes to their rescue, paradoxically, is a fierce monster’s roar that scares away the army of Orcs. Yet, the most challenging part remains for the crew: to face the dragon monster, get across a crumbling bridge, and find their way into the open on the other side of the mountain. In an epic scene, Gandalf keeps the monster at bay while the rest of the crew makes its way to the other side. Gandalf seems to have won the battle with the darkest of forces when one of the monster’s tentacles, coming out of the abyss, grabs his ankle and drags him into the unknown. That is the Abyss I am referring to. I didn’t see myself falling into the abyss; I didn’t feel the monster as a threatening creature, more like an entity that helps soul creatures to reach their true identity through a process of transformation and purification.

Interestingly, when Lev ask me what I wanted to tell or ask the monster, I became curious of his identity, of what it stands for. The response came pretty quickly and clear: karma.

 

Why did I need to run for safety is another question that came toward the end, and the insight that I got is related to what I wrote at the beginning of this page. The monster might very well be a friendly monster in the end; one which is helping me cleanse my karma at the deepest level, down to the bottom of my psyche. Thank you monster!

 

This was not the end of my mystical experience though; on February 12, 2013, the day before Ash Wednesday, I did a meditation and went back into the building from that scene in the Lord of the Ring, the one I call the basilica.

As I moved closer to the heart of the basilica, I could see a body lying on top of a stone coffin. This was a Templar’s body and his long sword was lying on top of him. He was wearing a helmet. I had visions of Templars before but this is the first one I saw in a sacred building of that kind.

It felt as if something, or possibly someone, in me, had died.

On February 14, the day after Ash Wednesday, I had my regular session with my coach. I had sent him my notes explaining the vision I had in the basilica. We went back to that sacred building that morning and I could see the Templar, alive, receiving inspiration and courage before embarking on his personal crusade. It felt as if I were receiving a blessing from the Source that went all the way up to my sword and into my body through the root chakra—moving up into my body.

 

At the same time, upon my coach’s questioning, the verse of the prayer that came to mind, from St. Francis of Assisi, is:

 

Lord, make me an instrument of your Peace.

 

It felt like a rebirth—a rebirth where I received a new mission; a mission to spread Peace and Love upon Earth. This is only the beginning of my new life and, a few months later, I can only attest that I have a long way to go to bring back that “boon of Peace and Love” and share it with humanity.

 

I am grateful for having found in Joseph Campbell’s Pathways to Bliss a thread that helps me understand how life unfolds in the inner realm once an individual decides to dive in and embark on this lengthy and painstaking endeavor. Yet,—and the metaphor is easy—there is light at the bottom of the cave, and this light may feel more like divine Light; a light that is coming from the core of one’s being.

 

To bring an end to this novel of mine, to My Hero’s Journey, I would like to quote the last few lines of Joseph Campbell’s chapter entitled Personal Myth (still in Pathways to Bliss).

 

There are something like 18 billion cells in the brain alone. There are no two brains alike; there are no two hands alike; there are no two human beings alike. You can take your instructions and your guidance from others, but you must find your own path, just like one of Arthur’s knights seeking the Grail in the forest.

 

It is this quality of the Occidental spirit that strikes other cultures as so silly and romantic. What is it we are questing for? It is the fulfillment of that which is potential in each of us. Questing for is not an ego trip; it is an adventure to bring into fulfillment your gift to the world, which is yourself.

 

There’s nothing you can do that’s more important than being fulfilled. You become a sign, you become a signal, transparent to transcendence; in this way, you will find, live, and become a realization of your own personal myth (page 108).

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Happy New Year – and a feeling of Lightness

Posted on July 27, 2013 by new desert

Today, July 26, is the first day of the year in the Thirteen Moon calendar (http://www.lawoftime.org/thirteenmoon.html). This calendar was introduced to me by my coach two years ago (Lev gave me a copy of the calendar) and it didn’t make any sense to me at the time. It is taking on more significance now as we walk into a new era, thanks to a gentle soul in Mexico with whom I have been Thirteen Moon-conversing.

The calendar is divided into thirteen moons of 28 days, which makes 364 days. The ‘in between’ day, which falls on July 25th, is called “the day out of time.” This day ‘stuck in between’ could also be a time for spiritual integration or galactic synchronization.

Today, the first day of the year, is the day of Yellow Galactic Seed. Its theme reads as “I harmonize in order to target modeling awareness. I seal the input of flowering with the galactic tone of integrity. I am guided by the power of elegance.”

Happy New Year to all of you!

A certain feeling of Lightness has been with me since my “cocoon of Love” experience last week. It feels as if a veil has been lifted–a new one–and I can see with different, possibly lighter, eyes. A walk in our neighborhood this evening turned out into a new encounter as I talked for the first time with a ‘neighbor’ four blocks away. We first connected thanks to his dog, Gypsy, who was barking, as we were on our way to a favorite pass time: train watching! He is originally from a coal mining town south of Pittsburgh, and both his mother and grand-father are from Croatia. I am amazed once again at the ‘speed of connection’ that manifests while talking to human beings. Love must be at work!

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In a Cocoon of Love

Posted on July 22, 2013 by new desert

In a Cocoon of Love

July 20

 

 

I realized I haven’t reflected and written for a long, long time. I feel the need to do it this evening, due to what happened during the past week.

 

We returned this evening from a 16-day state-tour of Washington, Oregon and Colorado. It was a nice trip that allowed us to explore new landscapes and sceneries, and to possibly set the first marks for a new path, for a new way of life.

 

I have been reflecting in the past couple days on the meaning of this trip; in fact more seriously since Wednesday when I asked myself, “What are you searching for?” What are you searching for (spiritually) while exploring new (physical) territories?

 

It looks like we won’t be moving to any of these three states any time soon. So why did we go visit with that ultimate possibility in mind? There is something else at play here, something spiritual, and it is upon me to find it.

 

The past six days in Colorado have been particularly fruitful from a spiritual perspective. It appears that I conspicuously met Love, in one form or another, every day of the week, starting Sunday evening as we drove up Highway 25 on the way to Fort Collins. I remember the word Love inscribed on the wall of a small white shelter right by the road. The same ‘Love thing’ popped up every day, with lesser or greater intensity.

 

The most potent day was, by far, Wednesday. In the second house we visited that morning, I came upon a little card in the walk-in closet of the parents’ bedroom that quoted, once I turned it over, a passage from Colossians 3:14:

 

“And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is Love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

 

This passage stayed with me all week and created a deep imprint, as if new space had been carved into my being. It is hard to explain but it seemed that this card was there for me to embrace as a new stepping stone on my personal path. I realized that my path is indeed a path of Love and the messages of the week were no coincidences.

 

In the following house we visited that morning, I engaged in a wonderful and lengthy discussion with a neighbor, well advanced in age, who had spent six years in the Philippines in the mid 2000’s as part of a missionary assignment. He was the treasurer of the Latter Day of the Saints church in a locale 20 miles south of Manila. My family and I had visited the Philippines in 2009 and I could relate well to what he was describing. My discussion with this human being felt light and it seemed that some sort of energy was binding us at a deeper level. As I returned into the house we were visiting, he got back to the business of mowing his lawn. Quite a meaningful, spiritual encounter!

 

Thursday’s Love message wasn’t as meaningfully human as Wednesday’s. As we were driving east on route 34 toward the Rocky Mountains National Park, I saw on the left hand side what looked like a Jamaican restaurant. The restaurant was located in Loveland, Colorado, and it read, The One Love.

 

We returned to the hotel fairly early on Thursday and had a quiet evening after doing our laundry. Right before I went to bed, I spent time browsing the internet and reading some messages in my inbox. One of them was a recent newsletter from a colleague and friend. The information she shared was interesting and it was all about her, about what she likes or doesn’t like, does or doesn’t do. As I reflected on what I know about her personal path, it made me think about the way I approach the world, not willingly sharing what concerns me—although this is what I am doing right now! I have always been curious and observant of people’s view of the world, perhaps in order to better understand my own. Was it the thought that I gently took with me on my overnight voyage?

 

Early the next morning, before anyone else was up, I spent some time in what seemed to be my ‘meditation chair,’ right by the window of our hotel room. As I entered a deeper part of my self, I had a vision of my friend in a cocoon—a cocoon of Love. The vision and the words that came to me were very clear.

 

As I played with this new concept, I reflected back on the movie we saw in the Seattle Pacific Science Center, The Flight of the Butterflies, that tells the story of the migratory patterns of the royal monarchs. We indeed saw several cocoons in the movie, and one butterfly emerging and morphing out of its temporary habitat.

 

I also thought about my own ‘cocoon migration’ or transformation, if you will. I have been enjoying my cocoon for a number of months now. There will be a time when I will be out on my own, out of my cocoon. Will it then be time for me to nurture other cocoons—cocoons of Love—for those I love, heal and protect?

 

The past 36 hours haven’t given way to any other profound realization. The Love signs seem to have subsided as we flew home. Only this morning did I think that my spiritual journey in Colorado was influenced by the presence of the mountains.

 

Thank you, Mountains!

 

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