The Power of Forgiveness and Love
Cleansing the Past to Flood the Future
October 16
Today, Thursday, October 16, was a beautiful day. I would like to consecrate the beauty of each and every day with one of the prayers we recited, as a group, over the course of the past few days.
May I see this day through Buddha eyes
May I hear this day through Buddha ears
May I love this day with a Buddha heart
May all I come in contact be awakened to their True Nature
For the past five days and nights, I have been attending a retreat in the high mountains of Colorado. This opportunity to cleanse and refresh ourselves in such a beautiful environment was offered to us by the Vajra Flame Foundation (http://vajraflame.org/). Gratitude flows to those who made it happen.
We are a group of forty-two souls united in purpose and commitment to make this world a more equal and loving place. This is not an easy task and it requires us to open up and expand our hearts—not to mention our energy bodies—to the most we can. The title of the retreat is “Sacred Geometry and the Energy Body.”
The theme of Sacred Geometry has been tickling me deeply since I acquired a Metatron’s Cube in June (http://iconnect2all.com/landing/dk/). I am at a point where I enjoy my meditation upon the Cube, yet do not really know how to use it and am unsure about its potentiality. I brought these doubts and questions into the retreat, intrigued that I am by the geometric figure sitting in the center of the Cube: two opposing pyramids (or tetrahedrons) which form an octahedron (an eight-face shape).
On Sunday evening, I felt something popping up into my awareness. It was more than a thought—possibly a sign, or a guidepost, on my path—and it grabbed my attention as if it carried a special message. In April of this year, I watched a video by Gregg Braden where he addressed the 7 Essene Mirrors – (https://nurturingthegiftofseeking.org/2014/04/05/the-seven-essene-mirros-a-workshop-by-gregg-braden/). The 5th Essene Mirror relates to our perception of our Divine Mother and Divine Father. Gregg asserts that our belief and attitude toward our parents influence the perception we have of the Divine Mother and Divine Father. On Sunday evening, the message was specifically about my father and the opinion I had of him. The light was blinking, so to speak, and this area lit as “unresolved.” As gentle and loving as my father was, he was emotionally withdrawn to the point that neither my brother nor I thought we had a father—to the extent that a human being cannot be whole without expressing a gradation of emotions. The door to my father‘s emotions had apparently been shut tight long ago, most likely because of what he experienced as a young child first, and as a teenager growing up during the tumultuous years leading to WWII. The little I know about my father’s childhood and apparent suffering, I learned it from my mother.
The other facet of my impression about my father relates to the imbalance of power between my parents. My father was what one would describe as ‘henpecked;’ my mother would make most of the decisions, ruling our family coop with an iron fist—and much more.
I was conscious of my impressions of my father but didn’t realize how influential they were in the background of my life. My father passed away in June of 2005, our last encounter wasn’t the most beautiful as he further revealed his weakness to us; and the past is past, isn’t it? It cannot be changed, or so I thought.
The sudden eruption of Gregg Braden’s Fifth Essene Mirror nudged me to pray in order to forgive my father—and myself; and I did, in French.
Over the next few days, a potent image came to me as I kept meditating. I envisioned a high-altitude dam filled by cooling water, with glowing mountains in the background. I was praying for the power of the accumulated water to create a breach in the dam, so that it would eventually collapse. The water was clearly a symbol of Love, and I asked Master Jesus for assistance. I knew this water-Love would eventually flood the valley down the dam, and flow way beyond it, into humanity’s pores.
I did not get a clear picture of the success of this meditation but I knew the alchemical process had been activated within. Working with, and meditating upon, the various Sacred Geometry forms that guest speaker Gregory Hoag (http://iconnect2all.com/) had brought to the retreat instilled a fresh realization in me. The brochure that passed before my eyes one morning during a group exercise described Metatron’s Cube as “a strong grounding tool for sleep, relaxation, [providing] deep release of blocks for forgiveness and gratefulness.”
As I read the last eight words, it dawned on me that ‘practicing the Cube’ over the past few months had allowed me to mystically bring this “Father-block” into awareness. My questions were answered and my doubts vanished.
As I returned from a downtown escapade on Wednesday evening, I faced the majestic snow-capped mountains and shouted my gratitude into the vastness of the environment; not knowing that it was a beginning of a huge energetic release.
‘Someone’ woke me up early this morning—Thursday. I tried to stay in bed a little but the temptation was too strong. Instead of first jumping into the shower—which I did the other days—I pulled my meditation chair and turned on the spinning base below my Cube.
Here are the sentences that came out of my being and that I chanted over the course of the next forty minutes.
• “Je te pardonne, Papa, avec Amour.” [I forgive you, Papa, with Love]
• “Je te pardonne, Gilles-soul, with Love.”
I forgive you, Gilles, for the opinions you formed about your father, and for the expectations you nurtured of him.
• “I forgive you, Gilles-soul, for any forms of aggravation.”
Strangely enough, a person in my hometown neighborhood came to mind as I was chanting the previous sentence. Although my family had a somewhat cordial relationship with him, there were reasons to be aggravated by his behavior.
• “Je t’aime, Papa-soul, et je te soutiens.” [I love you, Papa-soul, and I support you]
This support—that I wish I could have offered to my father ‘back then’—relates to numerous family dinner occurrences where my mother would verbally abuse us all, and humiliate my father; for instance because he wasn’t able to properly write a check. The memory of my being a young teenager has somewhat faded, due to the effect of time and a desire to repress these awkward occurrences, but I clearly remember a strong sense of guilt for not being able to support my father during these grueling times. I was young, immature, and my reaction facing those motherly storms was to shrink, wait for cooler times, or simply laugh. I do not know where this poisonous feeling of guilt went afterwards, but it was obviously locked at some semi-conscious level, till I unearthed and cleansed it this morning.
• “You are free to fly, Gilles”
• “You are free to love, Gilles”
As I was about to complete my meditation, I felt an urge to ask for proof of my healing and hoped my father would communicate with me. He did in a subtle way. A few minutes later, I found myself in the hallway using the lodge’s computer to check my messages. Nothing of importance. As I was about to close my account, I received a note from a friend. As it turned out, this person popped out of my consciousness one morning the year prior, and I could see her in a “Cocoon of Love.” (https://nurturingthegiftofseeking.org/2013/07/22/in-a-cocoon-of-love/) Mystically, I was then in the same state as I am now—Colorado, surrounded by precious mountains.
All in all, it feels like an inner tectonic plate has shifted, although I do not have a clear picture, at this early hour, why it did and how it did. Purpose often reveals itself in retrospect. However, as I kept meditating in the wee hours of Friday morning, right after writing this note, the image of a dagger came to mind. It is a dagger that had been planted in my heart long, long ago, and that I was able to finally remove with the assistance of so many benevolent souls and deities. Interestingly, I had a similar ‘entrance’ into an awakening coaching session earlier this year when I recollected an image of my mother stabbing me in the heart with her harsh criticism. Little did I know that both wounds had a similar quality.
I would like to end this account by sharing a beautiful prayer that fell on my lap a few days ago. It is entitled, “Go Deeper than Love.”
Go Deeper than Love
Go deeper than love, for the soul has greater depths,
love is like the grass, but the heart is deep wild rock
molten, yet dense and permanent.
Go down to your deep old heart, and lose sight of yourself.
And lose sight of me, the me whom you turbulently loved.
Let us lose sight of ourselves, and break the mirrors.
For the fierce curve of our lives is moving again to the depths
out of sight, in the deep living heart.
D.H. Lawrence
(excerpt from Know Thyself, Know Thyself More Deeply)
Footnote: Please do not think that this adventure was all glory and liberation. All week long, I was chased by two inner demons. The first one was a strong sense of guilt–yes, guilt!–for leaving my family behind for a full week. The second was an obsession with missing my return flight. My scheduled was tight and I kept thinking of what might happen if… At some point during the week, I got calmer, and then one participant asked me for a ride to the airport (I had rented a car), which rekindled the gnawing feeling. Did someone ever say, “No pain, no gain”?
Nurturing the Gift of Seeking 