When the Light finally shines through

When the Light finally shines through

Dearest Gilles,

First thing this morning, February 5th, I watched a video of a father signing to his daughter on her wedding day (http://www.littlethings.com/dad-i-loved-you-first-surprise/).

The words of the song touched me so profoundly, instantly awakening an uncontrollable seizure of emotions of longing for my father…this eruption of feelings was sudden and totally swallowed me up. I allowed the flow of my tears, knowing…thinking “whoa, that is real cavernous pain…”What’s up?”

In my office, I am listening to your 2nd and 3rd broadcasts. The “Father” theme kept recurring in my inner ear and heart. I began to feel uncomfortable in my solar plexus to gradually feeling quite sick to my stomach, unable to sit still any longer.

We have very similar backgrounds. My dad was not emotionally available, hollered a lot, had zero patience and both parents were very critical. Fear prevailed in our home, not knowing what to expect at any given moment. My dad passed away 17 years ago but, today, he felt very much alive within me. I have done clearing work many, many times, and forgiven him and myself on very deep levels.

As you make reference, energetic patterns have a life of their own.

The other poignant point for me in your lectures was “core wounds can become sacred.” When there’s a crack, the light gets in.

Half way through the 3rd lecture, I am so deeply and unconsciously stirred. I head up to my room for what I thought was going to be prayers…instead, I feel inspired to journal.

The first words I write are “I loved you first”…and again I am overcome with such deep and confusing sorrow coming from the depth of my being. I continue to write, barely seeing the words, and certainly not thinking, only to allow my hands as the vehicle for Spirit to express Herself.

After giving voice to my pain through words, I feel the profound awareness of being engulfed by and dissolved into my soul. Held in her arms, I experience wholeness, having never been separated, abandoned, rejected, or criticized. Once again, I go through a litany of forgiveness. However, this time…in the fissure penetrates the light of Grace revealing the truth of my soul…I LOVED YOU FIRST.

Spelunker Kerplunk Clunker…WOW

This process has been going on for 4.5 hours. Hardly a moment, but where I live, there is no time; so veritably a Grace-filled moment indeed!

Merci

 

Shining Light Image

 

Friday, February 6th

Feeling quite sensitive all day yesterday…a day of inner reflection I thought to escape watching a movie. Well, up comes “The Book of Negroes.” So painful to watch, such planetary pain and injustice! Exactly what my ego needed to find its placement in the frequency of compassion for self but, more importantly, for others. OH MY! While I realize the importance of doing my inner excavating, the movie brought me perspective. My problems seemed so petty in comparison. Forgiveness was effortless, undemanding, and Grace filled my brokenness once again, with balance and equanimity.

I know my parents did the best they could, without any awareness and knowledge of the consequences of their mindless actions and words. Sorting through the unconscious brokenness of my mind without judgment is a gift I give myself. Watching that intense movie illustrated how my pain work is of global magnitude…as within, so without.

Merci Gilles…merci

Suzanne Leclerc

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How am I contributing to Love?

How am I contributing to Love?
January 31, 2015

 

IMG_20150131_141333
Today we took part in a labyrinth walk as part of a program organized by a counseling center in a church. This is the first time we do this as a family. Children had their own room and were led by volunteer facilitators into a mini labyrinth. The (so-called) grownups were in a large gymnasium where we could walk a giant cloth-made labyrinth. What attracted me specifically was the opportunity to do it together and reflect on the experience as a family. But deep down inside, my true motivation for the walk was exploring the question that I laid down two days ago as the title of my fifth internet-based radio show, “Are we doomed to Love?”

Answering that question was not my purpose; rather, as we gathered in a circle around the facilitator to introduce ourselves, I was more intrigued by another (unfathomable) question that had been tickling me all along, “What is Love?”

I took that last question with me as I entered the journey within. The first phase of the labyrinth walk is about “letting go.” I asked myself what is it that I needed to let go in order to approach or possibly comprehend Love. Things such as inner barriers and judgment came rapidly to mind. There were part of my conscious awareness, and they have been on my radar for a while. No surprise here. What came from within later on between loops is Prejudice—no less than that. Am I prejudiced? Certainly, and the slap in my ‘spiritual face’ last Tuesday was a good reminder that I do not uphold and honor a person’s True Nature in every individual that I come into contact. A neighbor of ours, who doesn’t look very sociable and engaging, came to clear our driveway with his snow blower; it was an ‘out of the blue’ occurrence that forced me to reconsider my opinion of him. What is it that I’m going to do with my judgment of him now? What purpose does it serve, if any?

The other insight that popped up is the need to value and honor differences—differences of any kind; as if twenty years of working in the field of cross-cultural relations didn’t teach me to walk my talk and straighten my thoughts. Obviously, there is always a way to do better and kinder.

Arriving in the center of the labyrinth, I noticed the rays of sun illuminating the path. By then, my accompanying question had morphed into, “How am I contributing to Love?” The sun made me think of fire, and the image of a bonfire came to mind; I could see everyone contributing something to it, be it a twig, a branch or a log—it didn’t matter. What mattered is that together we could make the flames of the fire reach higher, and brighter.

I pondered the question for myself—how can I contribute to this fire of Love? Part of the answer came through my walk as I met a person whose last name was ‘Healy.’ Healing—my own healing, and what I purged in the process—is certainly something I can contribute; it was an inner darkness that vanished into smoke and disappeared in order to no longer burden humanity’s shoulders.

Another element that came into my awareness while in the center is Freedom. I then recalled the words of Krishnamurti that I quoted in the second episode of my radio show.

“If we become totally aware, we have an extraordinary energy. This energy of awareness is freedom.”

The childhood baggage that I burned along the way of my healing process has indeed given way to deeper awareness, and hopefully deeper wisdom. This is also something I can contribute to the fire of Love. This element of freedom made me think about the image that I used for next week’ show, a candle burning in the middle of a long piece of wood.

 

flame of the candle

Love and a fire burning are indeed of the same vein, and Pierre Teilhard de Chardin’s words started to make sense.

Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity,
we shall harness for God the energies of Love, and then,
for a second time in the history of the world,
humanity will have discovered Fire.

The return phase of the labyrinth is called Union; it is a phase when we bring back to the world the thoughts and ideas we harnessed in the center. I can’t seem to remember anything specific, as I was playing with the idea of Union with the Divine, the Divine that lay in the center of who we are, deep down, and whose desire is to find a way out. How can we possibly express that ‘Divine in us,’ if not through Love—Love and Appreciation for oneself and for anyone and anything else around us?

As we played with scissors, colored papers, glue and little memos after the experience, in order to crystallize what it meant to us to be a family, I couldn’t help notice a little leaflet that read,

“Those who do not believe in magic will never find it.”

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The dance of Forgiveness and Love

“The dance of Forgiveness and Love” is the title of the fourth episode of my internet-based radio show, Nurturing the Spiritual Spelunker in All of Us. It will air Thursday, January 29, at 3PM EST, 21 heures Paris time.

Please have a look at my page at Voice America:

http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2415/nurturing-the-spiritual-spelunker-in-all-of-us

In Episode 4, I will revisit the excerpt from Parker Palmer that I read at the end episode 3 and reflect on this notion of “holding the tension.” Especially, how does this notion play out in our lives, and how can we possibly hold the tension—or not?

Furthermore, how does this tension connect with the notion of self-love, and how do we reach that stage? There doesn’t seem to be any possible Love until we finally know ourselves. Yet that attitude can open up doors leading to significant breakthroughs.

Finally, how does Forgiveness and Love dance together, and who invites the other in the first place?

From Marion Woodman, the Pregnant Virgin

I cannot love anyone else if there isn’t any “I” to love. To the extent that I don’t know myself, I cannot love myself; and providing I don’t love myself, the love that I feel for others is most likely only a projection of my need to be accepted. I play a set role in order to be loved. I fear rejection. If no one loves me, I do not exist.

Butterfly dance

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Entrance – Rainer Maria Rilke (in both English and French)

Entrance

Whoever you are: in the evening step out
of your room, where you know everything;
yours is the last house before the far-off:
whoever you are.

With your eyes, which in their weariness
barely free themselves from the worn-out threshold,
you lift very slowly one black tree
and place it against the sky: slender, alone.

And you have made the world. And it is huge
and like a word which grows ripe in silence.
And as your will seizes on its meaning,
tenderly your eyes let go. . . .

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

 

Entrée

Qui que tu sois : le soir venu, sors
de cette chambre où tu sais tout ;
ta maison est la dernière avant l’horizon :
qui que tu sois.

Avec tes yeux fatigués qui ont peine
à se libérer du seuil élimé,
tu dresses très lentement un arbre noir
et tu le poses devant le ciel : élancé, seul.

Et tu as construit le monde. Et il est grand
et pareil à un mot qui mûrit encore dans le silence.
Et comme ta volonté saisit son sens,
tes yeux le laissent délicatement partir …

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How does Grace come in?

“How does Grace come in?” is the title of the third episode of my internet-based radio show, Nurturing the Spiritual Spelunker in All of Us.

Please have a look at my page at Voice America:

http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2415/nurturing-the-spiritual-spelunker-in-all-of-us

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how [Grace] gets in.

Leonard Cohen – Anthem

In Episode 3, I would like to share a few more words about the concept of the “core wound” and reflect on how we can, through our spiritual work, render this wound “sacred.”

I would also like to keep connecting the dots between our ‘disastrous or life-shattering experiences,’ the “dark night of our souls,” and what comes out of them, what constitutes our penetrating Light. I am talking about Grace here and would like to explore the conditions or attitudes necessary for It to ‘move in.’

Finally, I would like to discuss one more notion: that of loving ourselves. Is there a phenomenon at play within these ‘disastrous, earth-shattering experiences’ that sets up the stage for true self-love? For instance, is Spirit involved? Maybe there isn’t any…

Butterfly at Parc Floral

Here is a quote from Parker Palmer that I will be using. It is full of wisdom. Openness, or as I see it, vulnerability, seems to be a key ingredient.

The Quakers took a stand against slavery early in American history partly because one man, John Woolman, was willing to hold the tension between reality and possibility. But it is important to note that the entire Quaker community was also willing to hold the tension until they were opened to a more integral way of being in the world. They refused to succumb to the impulse to resolve tension prematurely, either by throwing Woolman out or by voting to allow the slavery-approving majority have its way. Instead, they let the tension between reality and possibility break their collective heart open to justice, truth and love.

There is an old Hasidic tale that tells us how such things happen.

The pupil comes to the rabbi and asks, “Why does Torah tell us to ‘place these words upon your hearts’? Why does it not tell us to place these holy words in our hearts?” The rabbi answers, “It is because as we are, our hearts are closed, and we cannot place the holy words in our hearts. So we place them on top of our hearts. And there they stay until, one day, the heart breaks and the words fall in.”
(Parker Palmer, Hidden Wholeness, p. 181)

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Exploration of the Sacred Wound – in Bill Plotkin’s book

Hello Folks,

In preparation for the second episode of my radio show this Thursday, January 15th, I would like to post an excerpt from Bill Plotkin’s book, Nature and the Human Soul. This excerpt addresses what Bill calls the “Sacred Wound,” a wound we apparently all carry in our psyche. This corroborates the notion of “Inner Child” (or inner child work), which may be more familiar to many. Whether “inner child,” or “sacred wound,” it appears that there is “work” for all of us to do.

Here it is.

 

Exploration of the Sacred Wound
In “The Wanderer in the Cocoon” chapter
Nature and the Human Soul
p. 262-263

nature and the human soul book
When the Wanderer has eliminated all substance addictions and other notable dependencies, and has made significant progress with the Oasis task of welcoming home her Loyal Soldier, she finds one branch of memory that is particularly and uniquely painful. This is an early psychological wound, a trauma so great she formed her primary survival strategies of childhood in reaction to it, so hurtful that much of her personal style and sensitivities have their roots there.

If she grew up in the worst sort of egocentric setting (in which family dysfunction is common), she might have been emotionally abused or neglected. Perhaps an alcoholic father blamed her for his own misery or acted as if she were his girlfriend, or an insecure and jealous mother saw her as a threat to her marriage. Maybe an older stepsister tormented her or a strict and demanding parent told her she would never measure up.

She need not come from a dysfunctional family, however, to have wounds. Her core wound may stem from birth trauma or a birth defect, or the death of her mother when she was three, or a pattern of innocent but shattering betrayals at the hands of her older brother. Maybe it was her father’s absence due to illness, or her guilt at surviving the car wreck that claimed her younger sister, or her own childhood bout with a potentially deadly fever.

Although personal histories often include injurious events such as these, the core wound rarely stems from a single traumatic incident. More often it consists of a pattern of hurtful events or a disturbing dynamic in one or more important relationships.

Even in the healthiest families, each person suffers from a core wound. From the perspective of the Cocoon, this is not an accident, nor is it unfortunate. Some say that the soul orchestrates the wounding to catalyze a special type of personal development not possible until the Cocoon, one that requires a trauma for its genesis.

By experientially exploring your core wound, you can render it sacred. Your wound holds a key to your destiny. By surrendering to the grief and frightful memories at the heart of the wound, no longer distancing yourself from what you uncover there, your psyche is torn open so that new questions can be asked about who you are at your roots. These fomenting questions facilitate the death of your old story and the birth of a larger story, a soul story, one revealed by the wounding itself. The goal in sacred wound work is not to patch up your small story, or to heal the adolescent ego, but to disidentify from both. The wound becomes sacred when you are ready to release your old story and become the vehicle through which your soul story can be lived into the world.

By courageously diving into your core wound, patiently allowing the suffering to do its work, neither indulging nor repressing the pain, you reach the bedrock of your psyche, where the most profound truths of this lifetime awaits. But you must avoid making sense of your pain too soon, finding relief too quickly, blaming someone for your anguish, or seeking revenge. Don’t cave in and seek refuge in self-blame, self-pity, or playing the role of the victim or martyr; or through denial, cynicism, abandoning your own dreams and values, or paranoid confidence in a never-ending series of further woundings. Allow the wound to do its work on you even if you descend into a pit of hopelessness. If you remain there long enough, you’ll be shorn of the personal patterns and attachments that must die so you can be reborn into a greater life. Sacred-wound work should not be attempted before the Cocoon stage.

Rumi says, “Wherever there is a ruin, there is hope for treasure—why do you not seek the treasure of God in the wasted heart?”

In the contemporary West, conscious investigation of the sacred wound, when attempted at all, most commonly takes place in those rare psychotherapies that journey deep into the psyche to encounter the demons and monsters of our greatest fears. These wounds can also be approached through exceptional forms of bodywork or though ceremonies that expose our grief and allow its full experience. In a soul-centered setting, the elders, who know we all carry sacred wounds, offer rituals and nature-based practices that help us uncover and assimilate the lessons and opportunities, the treasures, hidden in our wounds. In whatever way we go about it, a thorough acquaintance with our sacred wounds loosens our attachment to our former identity and becomes a vital component of the metamorphosis that occurs within the Cocoon.

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Second episode: Nurturing the Spiritual Spelunker in All of Us

Hello Folks,

Thank you very much to those who listened yesterday to the premiere of my show, and to those downloaded the recording. Here is the page again.

http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2415/nurturing-the-spiritual-spelunker-in-all-of-us

I am posting below the description of the second episode, which will address our unconscious patterns of behaviors and reactions. I have a lot to say about the topic and it may take me more than one episode. Please let me know if you have any specific expectations or would like to share something with the audience.

Thank you, and much love & Light your way.

Gilles

“If we become totally aware, we have an extraordinary energy. This energy of awareness is freedom.”

Krishnamurti

Episode 2 is about freedom—freedom from the automated patterns and reactions that govern our lives. The more we free ourselves from these patterns, the healthier we become.

I ought to talk about my childhood to give you an example of imprinted patterns. What matters most is not so much what happened to us, but the conscious efforts we make to conquer these enslaving habits that were pushed down our unconscious.

I will address the concept of the Sacred Wound that I read in Bill Plotkin’s book, Nature and the Human Soul. Here is an excerpt.

“By experientially exploring your core wound, you can render it sacred. Your wound holds a key to your destiny. By surrendering to the grief and frightful memories at the heart of the wound, no longer distancing yourself from what you uncover there, your psyche is torn open so that new questions can be asked about who you are at your roots. These fomenting questions facilitate the death of your old story and the birth of a larger story, a soul story, one revealed by the wounding itself. The goal in sacred wound work is not to patch up your small story, or to heal the adolescent ego, but to disidentify from both. The wound becomes sacred when you are ready to release your old story and become the vehicle through which your soul story can be lived into the world.”

nature and the human soul book

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First Episode of “Nurturing the Spiritual Spelunker in All of Us”

You said spelunking?

The show airs Thursday, January 8th, at 3PM EST, 21 heures Paris time.

http://www.voiceamerica.com/promo/episode/82610

Please tune in!

Gilles

Nurturing the Spiritual Spelunker in All of Us

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Another Brilliant Quote from Karlfried Graf Dürckheim – The Path of Initiation

Hello folks,

Here is another brilliant passage from Karlfried Durckheim, excerpted from The Path of Initiation, that touches upon the core of our existence, and our reason for Being. I read something of the same vein last night from Brother Jesus, who emphasized the tendency we have to get carried away by our “worldly self.” And that is a good, reassuring sign: there is consistency here between these two sages.

Happy reading!

Excerpt from The Path of Initiation
An Introduction to the life and thought of Karlfried Graf Durckheim
Father Alphonse Goettmann

At the moment when man believes he has reached his summits, blinded by success and the promise of his capacities for the future, he has actually never been further away from the truth of life and from his personal maturity. His “worldly self” has seduced him to the extent that he considers it the only source of consciousness, even objective consciousness. This is why that self is the creator of the great inner schism. The unity of being is broken: the emphasis is unilaterally placed on the exterior, rational pole and smothers the deeper reality, thereby separating us from Being.

Page 34

But we “do not have ears to hear.” Propelled by his ideas, he only hears the God of the philosophers and closes the door to Being which continues to call him and search for him. Yet original sin is also the original opportunity for humanity, that which allows us to become conscious of the Divine. The goal of life is to recover this deep awareness, for there is no human maturity without the fusion of these two poles. The union of man with his depths, through which he awakens to Being and lets It manifest through his existence, is the axis around which our whole life should gravitate. Without that, there is no real education, nor serious medicine, and all fields seeking to deal with human nature are doomed to failure.

Only this union of the existential self with the essential self, dealing with the whole of man, carries him to full maturity and bears fruits, the first and most important of which is to be able to say “I am” in the full meaning of the word. From this becoming of the “I” and its full blossoming depends the relationship between man and the world, man and himself, man and Transcendence. At the beginning and at the end, at the origin and in the development of all life is found this transcendent “I am.” At the heart of all that is, man secretly senses this great “I Am” from which comes and to which returns all of life. Each being is called to realize in his own way this divine “I am” which seeks to express itself in modalities as varied and diverse as are all creatures of the universe.

Pages 36-37

 

this is a good sign

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Go with your intuition which is always divinely guided

Hello folks,

Saul’s message below (via John Smallman) is a very beautiful article, and it speaks dearly to me. I experienced three times in three days days this conflict –or struggle–between the loud and pressing voice of the ego and the soft, gentle calling of the intuition.

Two days ago, I listened to the loud voice. The consequences were unpleasant, and I would happily changed what I did, providing I could. The same happened yesterday and once again, I listened to the pressure of my ego voice, when in fact there wasn’t any reason to rush. What I did could have waited a day or two. Again, unpleasant consequences for the people around me. Today, as we came back from shopping, my ego voice insisted that I checked my email which, after all, I had not done for 20 hours. Instead, I listened to the little voice who told me to sit on the couch and go within.

There was no revelation whatsoever; there was peace and quiet, a moment of serenity. The beautiful thing is that, once you start listening to the little voice, it becomes stronger, warmer and lets you know you are in good company. Listen to it, my friends, for I know it is calling us from deep within.

Happy reading of this wonderful post and much gratitude for the Love & Light we receive every day!

 

piglet and gratitude

Go with your intuition which is always divinely guided.

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